| Tales Untold : Pt. 2 -- The Autobiography

for the first time in a long time imma bore yall. imma just talk instead of write poetry. n i know the ppl or person well...people who i want to read this wont, but still i hafta say it. i have fears ok, like being alone as in a state of being not really even physically cuz i enjoy me time, i mean eventually it will eb physically alone but it aint rite now. its like why? becuz i been around my mom n brother who have dun nun but constantly argue wen i was 14 and 15 n occasionally 16. then my brother n my dad never speaking to eachother, my dad telling my mom he was too god for her, my dad being emotionally unstable (which is prolly where i get it frum) and my mom n dad disagreeing. like why just these 3 circulation of ppl, becuz they the only family that i have here. the rest is in NY like seriously i been livin in this city wit dem too long. i love dem i do but i needta get away. like and being in this same damn city where i have never had anything going for me. like i said i always been an inbetweener, definitely not bad just not good enuff in sumthing. my mom n my brother know everyone in the city. i know maybe 10-20 ppl that wud actaully say shit or talk to me is wat i mean n i never see dem anywhere. 4 years shy of merely 2 decades in my life n i been lonely all thru it. i mean ive nevr ever felt liek i cud just go to a certain person or ppl n literally tell dem wats on ym mind which i need to do. thats why im like this. i am quiet n reserved. i been putting on a physical, mental, emotional front my whole damn life. i dont talk to no one on my bus, my bus stop, 3 of my classes. ive know sum ppl for 5 years who cudnt tell yu mor ethna my name n that i liek hip hop. i feel liek i lost like 5 years of my skool life being stuck in a charter skools with ppl that are total opposites of the types i like n hang out wit now, n i was one of the only black ppl but they always separated me cuz im mixed. so where did i fit, in a tomboy group with a portuguese girl, a white gurl, and a mexican gurl. n then i had them other firends, the ones who acted normal, n i gained them around the year i was gonna move on to public skool. so i went, n knew no one. i was alone n scared n pissed cuz i wore white tees [tall tees] all the time n jeans, sumtimes saggin. like ppl used to be like "yu went thru yur brothers closet for dem clothes?" n thats another thing, my WHOLE LIFE as long as me n my brother have even crossed the same place, i am "n***'s sister" and ever since i lived wit my mom i been "p****** daughter". [the world dont needta know the names] so 6th grade came n for the first time, i felt like maybe i cud find/found real friends, n the person who i am now became sumwat clear now. the dudes was nasty the chicks was nasty, everyone alluded sumthin to sex, it was funny that year, n dats the year of the first time all my built up anger/hurt came out. that year it was liek evrywhere i went, if i had on my black jacket i wud hear gurls snickering saying "look at the gurl in the black jacket..." n if i heard "ponytail" following, it was for sure about me. n i was alienated starting now cuz i was advanced n shit so i hadta go to the gifted program once a week for the whole day away frum my friends n ppl started judging me n expecting things of me becuz of this. every time i fell down, literally, ppl laughed, n i was embarassed alot, n there was this one whiteboy who was a weirdo n i mean i kinda feel sorry for him but he did treat ppl shitty...and one day he shoved me in line, he put his damn hands on me, then called me a fukkin ass hole n a damn bomb went off in me and i kicked him like 3 or 4 times punched him a few and then my friend held me back. i cudnt believe it, even i was disappointed in myself. so at the end of the year i ha d afew friends who i still talk to now..well 2. one is my best friend and one was but now we just good friends i guess kinda. now i knew wen sumoen wrote in my yearbook "get yur game up" i wasnt on the rite level. so 7th grade. had not one class wit any of my friends ANY of them. for at least 2 weeks i was all alone n at least a week alone in the cafeteria. then the ppl who volunteered at our old elementary skool in the morning invited me to sit wit dem. one beczme my best friend of that year n the next while i still kept my other best friend cuz she always had my back. 7th grade valentines season, me n Mel, ma best friend frum 6th grade was so depressed cuz we was single n shit n we never felt like dat b4, or i never did...n i kinda wish it didnt hit me outta nowhere. =/